I really need to stop procrastinating and study for all my classes. I have little motivation what-so-ever to do well in school these days. I never really study until the day before the test and somehow I manage to get a good grade (except in Economics). So I put it off, and put it off until the last possible minute because, in the end, I make A’s or B’s without putting much effort into the class. The material is erased from my memory after the test and I never look back. This is not a good quality. Someday I’m going to get a reality check and regret not being more studious.
So now, instead of studying for my Abnormal Psychology test (which is tomorrow), I’m going to go watch A Walk to Remember.
Let’s start out with one of my favorite quotes. It’s pretty insightful about who I am and how I feel inside much of the time while I occupy this space at “home” in Virginia.
"People think I’m someone different than I am. I smile because I don’t want to cause trouble for anyone. I don’t want to make anyone’s life harder… I don’t want to cause any conflicts, so I just pretend like I’m fine, even when I’m not. It’s like a habit I guess. I’m tired of always being the good [girl]. I’m tired of feeling like a phony. No more phoniness, no more faking it. From now on, if I’m upset about something, people are gonna know it." - Ethan, 90210
Now don’t go thinking I’m all depressed or something, because I’m not. I’ve changed a lot since high school. I used to worry about making everyone else happy. Now I’m living for me. I’m done being a people pleaser. I’ll express my feelings as I see fit. Virginia is where my stuff is, but North Carolina is where my heart is. Everything seems more “real” in North Carolina. I don’t have to hide what I love so that people won’t look at me like I have crazy dreams. To my North Carolina BFFs: I cherish your friendships more than anything. To everyone in Southwest Virginia: Open your eyes, there IS a world outside of your little town. Take a trip, make new friends, get familiar with somewhere other than “home” and your world will change, like mine did.