Ali B.

These lyrics couldn’t describe the way I’m feeling any better.

“You know you can’t give me what I need

and even though you mean so much to me,

I can’t wait through everything.” 

So. over this.

This reality. I’m not ok with it. 

I don’t know why I do this to myself. And by “this” I mean that thing that most people do - put their hearts out there. Embrace it when he/she reeeeally likes someone. It’s something I should do too, embrace it. But instead I push the other way because I’m so uncomfortable with someone having SO MUCH control over my emotions. It’s how I’m feeling now, and I don’t like it one bit. He has too much power and he doesn’t even know it. Guess I should grow up and address the question of “What are we?”… but I’m afraid of the answer.

(via brookenunley)

• organize/clean bathroom
• organize/clean out closet
• vacuum: kitchen, living room, bedroom, closet
• clean the kitchen floor
• put away groceries
• put away laundry
• read Pride & Prejudice

As a reward:

• catch up on Bones (3 episodes)
• watch White Collar finale

Sometimes when things are going really shitty, all it takes to make it better is for someone special to say, “Deep breath… relax. Everything will be ok. We can get [it] fixed. Hugs are on the way.” 

At least someone got good news today. So happy for you, @ashively21! Someday we’ll go back to Disney together because I know you’ll always love it as much as I do. Best of luck to you as you begin this exciting new chapter of your life.

Today is the first excruciatingly long day of the semester. I have an 8am, 9:30am, 12:30pm, and 6pm class. Wahhhhh.

I am a very opinionated person. I do not appreciate people trying to complicate my life. I prefer the simple life. All I ask is that you respect my decisions and not force something on me that I don’t want to do. This is my life. Let ME live it.

Having a crush on someone when you definitely shouldn’t kind of sucks. 

A year ago yesterday, I met a guy. It was his 26th birthday. I instantly took a liking to him because of his appearance and age. We began hanging out and I can only describe our short something-other-than-a-relationship, but I don’t want to say friendship, using this song. In my eyes, he was my “lesson learned” guy. I learned that I can have the looks and everything on the outside that I look for in a guy, OR I can have everything I’m looking for as far as caring, compassion, etc. It seems I can only have one or the other. Anyway, I ran in to him at dinner Saturday night. He went through a breakup a couple months ago. We ended up talking for a few hours and I listened to the whole sob story, but I didn’t feel bad. It seems to have affected him in the best way possible. A year ago, he was the most egotistical asshole I’d ever met (yet I liked him anyway, funny how that works). But the other night was different. Obviously I refuse to be anyone’s rebound, but we have plans to have a drink tomorrow night. I think I’ve gotten the closure I needed. Now I’m fine with “just friends”… This could be a good thing.

I have no right to be upset with you about what happened a couple of weeks ago, but I am.